Compromiscuity

Well, there’s good news and there’s bad news. The good news is that I’m still gorgeous. The bad news is that we won’t be building what we thought we were. The plans were not really plans as in some firm set of instructions agreed upon by all parties. They’re more of a guideline, an artist's impression of what we’ll build. Imagine going into a restaurant and ordering chicken and the waiter brings you beef. Well, it isn’t actually beef, it’s a cow. It’s a cow dressed as a chicken. In the end you’re grateful that you got something. I think that’s how we’ll end up feeling about the house.

We were there fairly early yesterday morning but found Pete the plumber and his dad rather than anyone laying bricks from Signal Construction. Pete was going to spend the week there and wanted us to make decisions about what sort of heating system we wanted, what type of radiators and where we might want them. He has a normal haircut now rather than the moptop he was sporting months ago when I met him and since that was the only characteristic I registered I really wouldn’t have recognised him had it not been for the company logo on his shirt. Everyone we meet is wearing t-shirts or polo shirts with logos on them. You don’t get them in my profession. He’s a lovely man and was good enough to make a recommendation on the heating system so that was an easy decision. No one else seems to do that. They just tell you there are 300 to choose from but give no guidance on which would be best for you. Obviously, when whatever it is is installed and completely inefficient then they’ll tell you you chose the wrong one. We left Pete to collect some bathroom catalogues Marianna wanted to show him and find a set of plans on which we could mark where we wanted the radiators. Marianna called Max about the rear walls and he called back half an hour later. He was at the house and couldn’t see any problem with the wall. We rushed back there.

He explained that he won’t be building the house as described on the plans because that refers to metres, centimetres and millimetres. He’ll be building it in bricks. His two forms of measurement are
The Brick
and
The Half Brick
It is for that reason that our doors will be smaller than we thought/wanted them to be. I don’t know why we haven’t all adopted this form of measurement.

Q. How tall are you?
A. 16 Bricks

Q. Are we there yet daddy?
A. Nearly. Only another 190,000 bricks to go

It still wasn’t clear why the holes were smaller. Why hadn’t they made them bigger and the amount of wall smaller? We went there determined to demand that he knock it down and re-build it as we wanted it and we silenced as soon as he explained the half brick/brick issue. I recognised his negotiation technique from when he and Martin met over the guttering. He doesn’t really negotiate. He just tells you the way it is and dismisses anything you might say. You feel as if you are without knowledge on not just this but all subjects and remain silent. If only it had been Matthew. He’d have knocked it down. We then did a little tour with Max. The next task was to replace the second floor dormer roof but it’s now clear that the whole thing will need to be re-built. So, he’ll scaffold above the rear extension, rebuild the dormer and install the new windows (although they won’t be as wanted them). We also discussed insulating the top floor and the loft and a few other things which we had assumed he would be doing. He kept saying “We’ll have a look at it”. I wasn’t sure if this meant “I don’t want to do it now”, “I don’t want to do it”, “Let me work out how much more that will cost” or “I’m giving you back to Matthew. You’re a pain in the arse”.

This process is just compromise after compromise. And moving further and further away from where we originally wanted to be.