Bunting For Sale

It seems that I have misread the mood of the public. I haven’t received a single RSVP to the 257 invites I sent out for my ‘Will and Kate’s Royal Wedding street party’. It wasn’t like this in 1981 or for the jubilee in ’77. Where’s the patriotism and sense of community spirit? I’ve hired two hundred trestle tables, Morris Dancers, a Boy George lookalike (was too slow off the mark to get a Prince William-a-like, although could have had the real Viscount Linley for less than Boy George), a Town Crier, face painters, paper plates and cups, 1800 metres of bunting and a massive tv screen to watch the ceremony on. The council said I needed 100 confirmed guests to close the road so I’ve fallen a few short there. 99 to be precise. I’m sitting on the pavement at my trestle table with a portable tv looking more desperate than a fat girl at the end of a disco and watching the coverage on the BBC which began about 8 weeks ago. I’m not alone though. Boy George is here. And Sami Khiyami who was a last minute booking. Come and join me. I have jelly.