I need to tell you something about the house where we’re staying. Do you remember ‘The Sixth Sense’?, the 1999 movie in which Bruce Willis pretends to be a psychologist who doesn’t know he’s a dead psychologist (see my career summary) and Haley Joel Osment tells him ‘I see dead people’. Well, I think I have a similar power to little HJO because “I hear sex noises”. Admittedly, we’ve only been here for three days but 75% of the time that I’m in the kitchen I can hear a distant sound that I confidently believe to be the moans of a woman reaching unimaginable heights of orgasmic ecstasy. Today, I’ve been in the kitchen at 8am, 10am and 4pm and every time I’m in there I can hear it. It was the same yesterday and the day before and on Sunday evening after we moved in. There are a few possible explanations…..
1. The neighbours are at home a lot and have a lot of sex (which seems to be more than pleasant for one of them)
2. It’s not sex noises it’s the boiler/pipes/central heating/fridge
3. The neighbour is running some sort of sex chat line from her kitchen
4. I’m experiencing auditory hallucinations but instead of the voice of the devil telling me to kill myself I just hear orgasms.
What would Bruce do??
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