Green Light

A very brief phone message from Michael this morning to say that full planning permission had been granted. Marianna was very pleased. I was very relieved. Next we give Michael thousands to prepare detailed plans, we contact builders to quote for the work and Brian decides if a brick through the window or a turd through the letterbox would be the appropriate response.

Taxi

I worked in Liverpool on the 16th. It’s quite a trek from Leamington Spa. I was willing the client to stop denying aspects of the offence so I could get back in the car and head south more quickly. I was booked to be in Doncaster the next day so it was tempting to stay in the north and not go to see Karine Polwart, as booked weeks previously, that night but I did. And I was so glad I did. The Sat Nav took me on a meander around Coventry and its inner ring road before I came upon the venue; Taylor John’s House. This was a ticketless venue and my internet booking had produced a reference number which I had to give on the door. There was obviously an announcement of some kind just as I did this since, as I entered the bar, the majority of the bar's occupants moved into the performance area. Like a sheep I followed them. Well, more like a sheep that didn’t want to risk not getting a seat and having to stand for two hours. The performance area was fairly small and tunnel-like and reminded of The Cavern. It seemed tragic that after treading the boards for so many years Karine Polwart is still playing in such small venues. The seating arrangements were curious. There were wooden school chairs set out in rows and benches along the walls and then stacks of chairs from which you could select one and place it where you saw fit. Clearly, for the majority of those attending, there was then the standing option. I then became a sheep that rather fancied a drink and a trip to the toilet but didn’t dare risk losing his seat. I noticed people leave to get a drink and find themselves chairless when they returned. I wasn’t risking that. Within minutes the support act squeezed themselves onto the stage. They were called Lewis Garland and The Kett Rebellion. The songs were okay, although the lyrics were rather adolescent, but the most interesting thing was the band and their arrangements for the songs. There was the upright bass player who thought he was playing funk, a mandolin player who was playing sea shanties and a guy (who I hope doesn’t refer to himself as a musician) playing bongos and making beatbox noises. Lewis himself had a singing style which occasionally made me think of Aran sweaters, sandals, beards and folk singers singing with their eyes closed and their head tilted upwards. He had a CD to sell but the SatNav hadn’t taken me past an ATM and my hopes that the price of his CD’s would be exactly the £4.86 I had in my pocket were dashed so I couldn’t buy one.
Then came Karine accompanied by her brother Steven on guitar and vocals and Inge Thomson on piano accordion and vocals. The harmonies, guitar playing and Karine’s singing were all perfection. In a world where Cheryl Cole, with all of the dancing and singing talent of Helen Keller, is classed as a star and some people perform as if they’re wearing a ‘How bloody brilliant am I?’ t-shirt some people just quietly get on with being completely brilliant. She likes to tell little stories about the songs but Steven also talked quite a bit, largely to tease Inge. Since she was standing in front of a large white square that probably had films projected onto it at other times this evening’s teasing largely involved encouraging her to make shadow puppets with her hands. Karine encouraged us to buy Inge’s CD which she thought was “lovely and quirky”. Just before their final song Karine mentioned that she had an EP for sale and this would be her last release for some time since she planned to take the next three or four years off from recording and touring to be a mum. I was saddened by this. What did she mean spend more time with her son? Why couldn’t she be like a proper celebrity and parade her children around like designer handbags until they’re adolescent and can be photographed falling out of clubs covered in tattoos and members of the opposite sex? The CD had to be mine so I needed to find an ATM.
I rushed out of the venue, returned to my car and drove until I found an ATM. I pocketed my cash, got back into the car and took the SatNav from the glove compartment to re-enter the postcode for Taylor John’s house. A man then landed on the bonnet of the car before crawling around to the driver’s side window. He knocked on the glass and I lowered the window a centimetre. He put his eyes to the gap and the wiggling tips of his finders through it. I could smell the alcohol through the gap. He'd clearly been trying to preserve his body in alcohol for some time.

Pisshead: “My friend, you don’t need that. I’ll give you directions if you give me a lift”

Me: “Mmm?“

Pisshead: “Are you from Coventry? Coventry people are good people. Give me a lift”

Me: “I’m not from Coventry”

Pisshead: “Go on, mate, give me a lift. Don't be a wanker about it. I'll give you money.
I’ve left my wife at home on her own”.

Me: “Well, you should have stayed home and stayed sober”.

He banged his hand against the window as i drove off. I thought about reversing over him but knew this could cost me precious seconds that i could spend with Karine so I headed back to the venue. I got there fifteen minutes after the end of the show and the CD buying frenzy was coming to an end. I bought her EP, got a signature, and we had a little chat about the film ‘Creation’ since she’d taken part in a songwriting workshop about Darwin during the summer. I also bought Inge’s CD, which has indeed turned out to be quirky. It’s like chill out music on the piano accordion. I love it. Of course I then bought Jess Gardland’s CD.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VmxytyDWur0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wns8KD2_U40&feature=related

Objections

On the morning of the fourteenth I got a call from a woman from the planning department who wanted to come over take some photographs of the rear of the house. When she arrived, looking like a bag lady, an hour later she told me that our neighbours (Martin and Anne) had written a letter objecting to our plans. I was shocked. Not shocked that they’d made a complaint but shocked that they’d done it without telling us when we’d done our best to be open with them by showing them the plans and telling them what we hoped to do months ago. Marianna thought their failure to inform us but to write a letter to the council was “very English”. The woman from the council took photographs of our house from the left to the right and a couple over Martin’s fence. A week later the architects forwarded us a letter saying that the council had objected because “The quality of the design caused the building to appear overbearing and out of keeping with the surrounding properties”. I liked the way the architects responded with comments about how our house currently looks but also with photographs of the extensions that neighbouring houses have. I still think we’ll be granted permission. And so will have to press ahead knowing that we’re upsetting the neighbours. We don’t have any alternatives that might appease them since the current plan is plan C or F. It’s this or no first floor.

Canvas Bags

Over recent months, just before lights are turned out, Marianna forces me to look through Ideal Home type magazines. You’d be surprised how many different ones there are. Even though she assures me that we’re just doing this to get ideas and we won’t be buying any of these incredibly expensive kitchens or bathrooms my eyes glaze over and I just visualise the bank balance disappearing over the horizon. Despite this, as a little surprise for her on the 11th I took her to Grand Designs Live at the NEC. She was slightly unsure, as we approached the venue, if her surprise was to visit the Horse of the Year show or The Wedding Show since Grand Designs was more subtly signposted. As people wandered into the NEC it was fairly easy to spot who was going to which show. People holding hands were going to The Wedding Show, people in wellington boots and Barbour coats were going to see some horses and the stressed, prematurely aged people covered in brick dust were going to be joining us. So, over the next six hours we toured the huge venue and chatted to the stall holders about different types of windows and their benefits, different types of insulation, roof coverings and bathrooms and kitchens. I don’t know why you would need a television in your shower or one that rises out of your kitchen worktop. Does my life need a tap that produces filtered water or instant boiling water? Should our window frames be made from wood, aluminium, upvc or even bronze? Should we have solar panels? Windows that keep heat out in the Summer and keep it in in the Winter? It was all very interesting, although a little tiring on the legs, and not overly stressful. I’d been to the Motor Show at the NEC about twenty years earlier and my only memory of it was scantily clad women lying across cars and handing out brochures. Unfortunately, Grand Designs Live was completely sans bikini. A main activity was collecting free canvas bags from stalls to put all of the leaflets and brochures in. They’ll come in very handy at the checkout for the groceries. As well as wandering around and chatting to stallholders there were some talks given by big names in the world of interior design and building or, rather, big names with regard to doing these things on television. We missed Kevin McCloud’s talk but Marianna queued to get his signature on a copy of his book and I joined her just as she got to the front. He seemed to have left his personality on a building site somewhere. Later, we watched George Clarke’s talk in which he guided us through the transformation of his own house with many photographs. He was well over six feet tall when he looks to be far from that on tv. I've had to re-think my opinion of Danny DeVito. I was very impressed with George and his enthusiasm and how he’d used lots of interior windows and glass floors and ceilings to keep natural light flowing through the house. It made me wonder what use we could make with the dozens of mirrors we inherited from Basil. His next project is to dig out a basement beneath the house. I guess fame is still very new to George but I was impressed that 45 minutes after he’d finished his talk he was still signing autographs, shaking hands and kissing young women. It was a Grand day out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVh15aUt8-c

The red card

You wouldn’t think this sort of thing would happen in Leamington. I’ve continued attending Leamington FC home games since my first visit at the start of the season. The excitement of seeing fourteen goals in my first two games hasn’t been maintained and they’ve been looking quite poor lately. On the 10th the club sacked the manager, Jason Cadden. He’d held the job for nine years, had guided the team to promotion five times and they were promoted as league Champions last season. They were tenth in the league when he was sacked. This was done in a proper fashion though. In the car park at the ground where they’d just lost. The chairman asked him if he’d call in to his office on the following Monday but he said he wasn’t available. The chairman said in the local paper that he thought Cadden sensed something was up from his body language so when he asked why he wanted to see him he sacked him. It reminded me of “I thought he was reaching for a gun so I shot him”.

Cold

Something seemed to happen on the first of October when Autumn began. The temperature in the house dropped by about forty degrees. This shouldn't be surprising given how little double glazing there is and how the windows aren't even airtight but it's a bad sign given that it is only October and i wonder what it will be like in here come January. The central heating, such as it is, will warm the sitting room and kitchen but a chill hits you if you leave those rooms. I visualise heat coming from the radiators and flying straight through the windows onto the street. We'll stand out there if we want to warm up. At the moment we both have colds. Since we're living like squatters in a Tracey Emin exhibition we might as well break up the floorboards and make a fire.

Talk to you the more

I don't know why the email below ended up in my Junk email box. That is normally filled with emails from people wanting to tell me about an amazing electronics company they've come across that could supply me with everything I could need at low low prices. And I don't know why the young lady targeted me, although I did make a wish for a 92 year old millionairess with a heart condition when blowing out the candles on my last birthday cake.


From: Mariam Abdullah (missmariam209@info2link.biz)
Sent: 11 October 2009 03:01:52
To: pbodger@hotmail.co.uk

Dearest P Bodger

I humbly write to solicit for your partnership and assistance in the transfer and investment of my inheritance fund USD$17.5M from my late father who died mysteriously last Dec.

It was very evident that he was poisoned to death. In my culture, when a man dies, if he does not have a male child, the brothers shares his property leaving both the wife and the daughters empty handed including the house they live in. This is the exact case with me as I am the only daughter of my father. I lost my mother when I was barely a year old and my father refused to re-marry another wife because he felt solely responsible for my mother's death.

This is so because he concentrated much on his businesses that he rarely pays attention to domestic affairs. He was always travelling taking care of his businesses that he did not notice when my mother took ill. He thought it was a minor illness and was ignorant of this. My mother on her own resorted to self-medication. It was not until the illness degenerated that my father took my mother to hospital where she was diagnosed to find out that hypatitis had eaten deep into her blood stream. She didn't last long before she died.This happened when I was barely a year old. Based on this, my father could not forgive himself easily because of it and said he was responsible for her death as he could have saved her if only he had paid attention to the things at home rather than concentrating much on his businesses.

Despite all entreaties by friends and relatives, he refused to remarry but ensured that I had everything that I wanted. It was as a result of this that he made me the next of kin to his fund deposit with the bank and stated that in the event of any eventuality, I should have a direct access to the fund only when I am 25 years of age otherwise, I should have a guardian/partner intercede on my behalf for the release of the funds to me. Unfortunately, he died late last year and I am 19 years of age currently.

This is why I have contacted you to serve as a guardian to me and as my foreign partner for the transfer and investment of the fund overseas My uncles does not know about the fund because they had already taken my father's houses and other properties because I am a girl and they said I do not have rights for any property. They have requested to have my father's bank papers but I simply told them that I do not know where he kept them.The younger brother took the house in the village while the houses in the town were sold out they shared the proceed they got from the sale.

Right now i am in the hotel and do sincerely want to travel out of my country. This can only happen when I have secured the release and transfer of the funds in the bank.This why it is important that we have a plan on the type of lucrative business that we can invest the funds on.

I had at various times had discussions with the director of international remittance unit of the bank where my father deposited the funds and I was assured that once, I have someone who would be willing to receive the funds on my behalf, they shall commence all proceedings to effect the release and transfer of the funds into the person's designated account.

Now, that you have signified your interest to partner with me, it would only be very necessary if you contact the bank and request for the release and transfer of my inheritance fund into your nominated account for the purpose of investment and to further have me come over to your country to continue with my studies.I shall be giving you the bank's contact details as soon as I hear backfrom you so that you will go ahead and contact the bank,Your urgent response will be appreciated. please contact me with my Alternative email address (m1990abdullah@live.fr)

Talk to you the more.

Regard Sincerely Sister,

Mariam Abdullah


Since receiving this i end all conversations with "Talk to you the more".