It must be seen to be believed - 19th May 2009

A visit from Marianna's colleagues, Hannah and Mel yesterday. They loved the house. People should visit regulalrly to stop me from just seeing it as a collection of light switches, wall sockets and toilets that don't work. It also clearly needs to be visited since Marianna had obviously described it but it clearly defies belief. Mel seemed to think we could ebay most of the fixtures and fittings.

Visits from architects have been arranged for next week.

Water Bed - 16th May 2009

I was very pleased with myself yesterday evening to have found the problem with the second floor toilet and returned it to working order. Well done me. Perhaps a new career in plumbing awaited me. Then we went to the theatre to see the rather disappointing ‘Dinner Ladies’. When we got home we discovered that the water from the cistern in the recently cured toilet had emptied itself through the floor onto the bed base in the room below. Another gift from Basil's daughters who must have been aware of the problems with it. The water was flowing down from the mirrored ceiling. Wouldn’t want that to be damaged. So, it’s like a hatrick with water flowing from the second floor into the first from the toilet and from the first to the ground floor from the shower. You have to laugh. Although I may not do so for several more years.

Today Marianna sorted out our clothes (in the dining room) and I destroyed the hundreds of shelves and worktops in the garage without unintentionally destroying the garage which I think is held up by the climbing plants that have gone a bit wild around it. We discovered the local council tip and made a couple of trips there with Marianna characteristically wanting to remove things from the skips. So, we have a new, slightly worn chair. This evening we are actually able to sit in the sitting room. And watch the tv. The aerial isn’t working but then neither are most of the lights or wall sockets so let’s not raise our hopes unrealistically.

Old Spice - 15th May 2009

Heavy rain in the night has revealed the religious significance of our garage roof. It’s very holy. We’ll need to change our plans about storing things in there.We’re sleeping in the loft conversion and are slightly disturbed by scratching noises above our heads. We’re hoping it’s birds in the chimney or guttering. Marianna describes the smell of the house as like an old people’s home; Bleach with an undercurrent of urine. Isn't that how they made 'Old Spice'?

Indoor Shower

I returned from the gym this morning to find Marianna making the first use of the shower in the house after over an hours worth of cleaning last night. But when we went downstairs we found that all of the water from the shower was not making its way down the street in a water pipe of some sort but was in the hallway, deeply soaked into the lush carpet. Buying a house neglected for decades seemed amusing a week ago but seems like a money pit at the moment. Still, there's no need to wash ourselves since we haven't located our clothes yet. Legendary former owner, Basil, didn't need clothes though. Perhaps we should embrace that spirit. I'm optimistic that the shower can be used so long as one of us is standing in the hall beneath the shower with a bucket.

It's a curious house; Why are the lights on the floor rather than the ceiling? Why are so many of the bulbs red? Why is the oven in the garage? Why does every cupboard and built-in wardrobe have a light bulb inside when some rooms don’t? Why are there four layers of curtain in the mirrored ceiling bedroom? Why does every shelf or window ledge have a perfectly cut sheet of glass on it? Why don’t the bathrooms have frosted glass? How long will it be before i think all of this is normal?

Of Sentimental Value

The sad thing about buying the house of someone recently deceased is how much of Basil and his personality is evident here. His daughters are clearly lovely people and chose to remove things of monetary value but leave behind anything of sentimental value. The Rolex in the kitchen cupboard doesn't count. Clearly Basil owned a very large furniture store in town. There are plans and designs for the latest of three stores in the garage. There are photographs of the different premises they occupied over the years, as well as designs for the letter heads and business cards. Today we found a box from Basil's time in the second world war containing hundreds of photographs of him and his friends in the regiment moving into Germany, his army pay book, letters from his school, him and his wife, Annie. I'd ask for nothing more than that when i go i'm treated with more respect than his daughters have treated him.

Swinging

Today i met Becky, the neighbour on the shared wall side. We met Martin from the other side before we'd even got the keys. Becky informed me that our house was, indeed, the centre for swinging, free love, wife swapping parties in the town in the sixties and seventies. Not a big surprise given the mirrored walls and ceilings and pink light bulbs. She said 'I'll tell you all about Basil when you've moved in and it's too late to escape back to your old house'. Is that the definition of ominous?

The Virgin Media engineer came on Tuesday. He wasn't the most socially skilled of people and he seemed particularly miserable but cheered up when he saw the carpets and that every toilet has a phone (or vice versa). He only found thirteen phone points. There are third world countries with less. He probably took his lifted mood and went off to give to charity. Or buy porn.

1 out of 3 isn't bad - 9th May 2009

We spent the day moving furniture from the old house to the new house. The state of the house of porn has come as bit of a shock. Probably as a result of looking at the photographs taken three months ago too often in my mind the amount of work it needed had diminished to be a little light painting and maybe some carpet removal. It now seems more like we've bought four walls and will get rid of everything in between. Actually, make that three walls since the rear wall is single brick and strong wind outisde will move furniture inside. It's a joy and sign of affluence though to have three toilets. But only one really works properly. And isn't it just typical that that's the one that doesn't have a telephone next to it.